The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
