I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
