I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
