If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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