I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
