Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
