Do you still have your period?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
