Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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