I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
