Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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