Its about making memories worth repressing
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
