After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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