bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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