I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
