If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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