In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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