I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
