Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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