my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
