Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
