gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
