I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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