Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
