So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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