and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
