I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
