dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
