OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
