this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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