I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
