every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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