Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
