we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
