I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
