Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
