So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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