Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Randomize
