Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
