Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
