Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
