I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Your cock deserves a montage
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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