Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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