Duck Duck Cougar?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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