We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
