she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
