I must be too annoying 4 u.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
