i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
