I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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