Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
