you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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