the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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