I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
