maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Someone came in the potted fern
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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