i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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